Why Are You Always Alone?
Although maintaining silence
but also expecting your every greeting
01
Do you have a feeling? As you grow older, you increasingly don't want to express yourself to others. Perhaps it's because you've received too many disappointments in the past, always feeling that sharing your innermost thoughts with no one will truly listen to your heartfelt words, always feeling that your own affairs are best handled by yourself, unwilling to trouble others, and avoid being bothered.
Therefore, you gradually become more silent and more adept at concealing your thoughts. You often shoulder things alone. Although you have your own circle of friends, you always keep your matters hidden to yourself, rarely confiding in others, and simply responding superficially to others' status updates.
Sometimes you'd rather keep your heartfelt thoughts hidden in your phone, and occasionally post cryptic texts and pictures that others can't understand, to the point where you no longer post to your, and close yourself off.
The silent you isn't without words, just unwilling to express them. You're not necessarily in need of help, just unwilling to trouble others; you don't necessarily want someone to accompany you, just don't know if others are willing.
So,more often than not, you're always alone, feigning strength, acting mature, and appearing very good. Although you appear to be like this, you're actually always expecting that person within your heart to send you a greeting!
02
Recently, after a big fight with my boyfriend, when we stared at each other in silence, my boyfriend scolded me for not being as affectionate as before, saying I didn't like to cling to him like I used to, that I wasn't his closest person, that I didn't understand him, that I was too demanding.
I admit, my attitude towards him has changed over the past six months. I don't like to burden him with my worries, I don't like to send him messages or call him, and I prefer to trouble him for small things; I don't want to bother him because I don't want him to think I'm too naive; I don't want him to feel annoyed when I'm too clingy.
After absorbing a lot of disappointments, I lost my desire to confide in anyone, but it doesn't mean I don't hope. Inside, I still hope he'll proactively care about me when I'm feeling down; when I need help, he'll appear in time; when I need company, he'll accompany me willingly.
Just that it's not so good. I remember once when I was unhappy at work, I didn't speak at home for a long time, thinking about the anger I felt at work while thinking about how he hadn't come to ask me what was wrong; he hadn't come to comfort me.
Actually, I'm an easy-to-please person, I used to be very happy when I was dating him, he could make me laugh with a simple mistake, but now it's hard for me to be happy because of one thing. Some say, a person becomes more and more unwilling to express themselves because they haven't met someone who understands them. That's probably true. If my boyfriend understands my restraint, I wouldn't be so afraid of disappointment and wouldn't be so insecure.
03
Once I saw a sentence on Weibo, which roughly meant, 'A person's maturity is reflected in their increasing use of silence to represent themselves.'
I think,
In this world, no one is truly without the need for care and protection, and few people sincerely like to hide themselves. Everyone's heart yearns for someone who understands them, and a person they want to confide in.So, I don't want us all to have this 'mature' state.
If there's someone in life, whether a friend or a lover, he might not know exactly what you've experienced, but he always understands that you're like that, knows what you haven't said, and knows what you want. That would be great.Unfortunately, many people, when they yearn for it, receive more disappointment. Once you've experienced disappointment, you gradually learn to be alone, and you get used to being alone.
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