I've Been Living Alone for 35 Years, What Should I Do Next?
Original Poem No. 182 by Sang Xuecheng
Why Lament?
Yet I couldn't help but have tears stream down my face
I was once a dashing young man
With fiery passion and a sword, I wandered through Chang'an
I gazed at the heavens, roaring at the mountains
But unknowingly, the world pushed me to the periphery
I was trapped in the dust and weariness
Repeatedly subjected to the scorn of the world
Occasionally recalling my former glory
Only a bitter smile and a sigh of righteousness
Born into poverty, afflicted by misfortune, isolated and lonely
I've spent fifteen years polishing on the factory assembly line
Day after day, a monotonous and stagnant life
Those cold machines, just to hold them in my hands, I could hear the icy chill of shattered dreams
How I longed for a warm woman's embrace
To hold me in her arms
We would cuddle together, counting the twinkling stars in the sky
Planning to raise children and continue our lineage
Envisioning the bright sunlight of our double bed illuminating our dreams
Yet we still embraced, sleepily closing our eyes
To listen to the fleeting moments of all things, like white horses galloping through our love
But everything was just a fantasy
About the taste of kisses
Already dusty and distant
So I lived alone for 35 years, amidst the world's rejection
I have no money, and I'm not handsome
Long-term depression made me even more timid and withdrawn
Besides, I also carried a heavy family burden
Where would a girl even look at me?
I seem to have been locked into the dust of history
This lifetime, I can only spend it alone
Although I often smile in public
No one knows, that's the taste of hardship forged
The only good news is
The boy in the dormitory's top bunk
Because I've been single for too long, I can't find a wife, I'm insane
Last week, I jumped off a bridge alone
He told me before he died
Once a person becomes a ghost, they possess unparalleled power
Then he could protect me, allowing me to meet a steady and reliable woman
To spend our lives together
Alas, this is a cruel tragedy
Yet it also contains a yearning that haunts dreams
So, I've started to become superstitious
Every night before I sleep, I bow three times before my brother's image, lighting three incense sticks
Then I stand up and slap myself three times
So I can calmly look out the door
To see if a kind-hearted girl will come to visit me during the night
To swim together like ducks, and spend our evenings in a secluded chamber
