An Unwilling Family, and the Happiness of a Selfish Man

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01

We might define happiness, and many people do, in a narrow, purely self-satisfied way. They simply believe that they can live comfortably and be content.

Happiness isn't just about one or two people feeling happy; it's about a whole family living in a harmonious and warm atmosphere, feeling the warmth of home, and living comfortably and easily.

Therefore, an individual's 'happiness' – a single person's happiness – isn't true happiness; true happiness is when the whole family is happy.Unfortunately, some people, even within their families, focus only on their own 'happiness,' neglecting the feelings of their spouse and loved ones, and losing their happiness in the process of pursuing it.

I received a message from a male reader who said he was at a crossroads in his life, not knowing how to choose. He said he wanted to preserve his stable family, but he also longed for the happiness he sought, and he didn't want to give it up easily.

I just want to say that selfish men don't deserve happiness, and they certainly won't find it.

02

Male reader Mr. Jin, married for 11 years, previously worked in sales, later started his own business. He spent most of his time working outside the home, and his wife handled everything at home.

He knew he shouldn't hurt his wife and couldn't live without her. His family's livelihood depended on her, and he couldn't get involved in many of the household matters; his wife handled everything. Therefore, he said he wouldn't divorce, and his parents wouldn't agree either.

However, he was still very troubled, because he felt that the other person gave him the feeling he was looking for, and he wanted to be with her without restraint, experiencing the warmth of love and mutual companionship. It was this that made him unable to choose: either a stable family or the 'love' he longed for – and neither seemed easy to give up.

This is a classic case of being content with what one has, like being blind to one's blessings. He was chasing more happiness, but it was also a step towards destroying his own happiness.

Mr. Jin said, 'I don't want to break up my family, but I also feel that I'm happier with her. I don't know how to choose,' His anxiety is like a fool worrying – it's also self-made, trapping himself, and ultimately leading to ruin.

No matter how beautiful the love outside marriage seems, and how much happiness it can bring, betrayal of marriage and pursuit of happiness will ultimately be punished, hurting the closest people, damaging family stability, and making the person involved regret, even if they spend their lives in guilt.

The prerequisite for happiness in a marriage is loyalty, and this prerequisite needs to be mutual. Men need to give their wives loyalty, and wives need to be loyal to their husbands. Similarly, husbands need to be loyal and supportive to their wives, and wives need to be loyal and supportive to their husbands.

Any relationship that needs rules and responsibilities to maintain harmony cannot break the rules and responsibilities, otherwise happiness and harmony will be difficult to achieve.

03

Mr. Jin said that he and his wife had been married for many years, and they had married at a normal age. They hadn't truly experienced the passionate love and longing they felt when they first fell in love, so he felt that the feelings he had with the other woman were to make up for his regrets.

'We haven't had passion with our wives, we married for the sake of marriage;' Can anyone truly understand him with this explanation? The onlookers see him as selfish and irresponsible; if you don't love, why get married? If there's no emotion, why not divorce?

Why must he drag his family and accept his wife's sacrifices for the family, while at the same time engaging in betrayal and indulgence?

The final conclusion is that selfish men don't deserve happiness, and they certainly won't find it. He only cares about himself, so he won't realize the harm his actions will cause to his family and wife, damaging family stability and making him regret his life.

He didn't love the man outside his marriage because he valued the novelty and passion she brought him, without considering her future or providing her with security.

He only cared about his own feelings and thoughts; he just wanted a life where he could have a stable home and a loving partner, but he hadn't seriously considered the pain he was causing others.

Marriage happiness depends on loyalty, and this loyalty needs to be reciprocal. When men seek loyalty from their wives, they must also provide their wives with loyalty and company. When wives give their husbands loyalty and support, husbands must also provide them with loyalty and care.

04

There was once a male friend who was in a similar predicament.

Back then, he had been married for several years, and his relationship with his wife had transitioned from a free love to a more comfortable, everyday relationship. He felt a lack of love, and another man appeared at the opportune moment, entering his heart.

He felt that her appearance gave him new aspirations and brought him a different kind of happiness, so he disregarded his parents' objections and his wife's pleas, and acted impulsively, immersing himself in it.

In the process, he felt that he was giving his family the greatest contribution by not divorcing, and that he was achieving the greatest happiness by being with the other woman. But in the end…

His wife didn't forgive him, took their child and divorced him, and refused to give him any chance to turn things around; his parents fell ill because of his actions, and they were seriously ill.

And the woman he chased – after learning about his family's financial situation, she began to withdraw, unwilling to be a free benefactor, and unwilling to be associated with the stigma.

After pursuing this so-called happiness, the male friend lost his stable family, lost all his secure assets, and his pursuit of happiness not only failed to achieve anything, but it also destroyed the happiness he originally had.

05

What should a married man focus his energy and thoughts on?

The question itself provides the answer: for married men, they should focus their energy and thoughts on their families and marriages.

A person who understands that he is content with his life, grateful for what he has, and can better get along with his life will also be able to find more beauty in his life, and he will know how to find happiness in his existing life.

There's a story in elementary school:

One day, a young monkey came down from the tree. It went to a cornfield and saw a lot of corn, so it picked a stalk and carried it away.

The young monkey carried the corn to a peach tree. It saw a tree full of big, red peaches, so it threw the corn away to pick peaches.

The young monkey carried several peaches, and he walked to a melon field. He saw a lot of big, round melons, so he threw the peaches away to pick melons.

The young monkey carried a big watermelon and walked back. As he walked, he saw a cute little rabbit, so he was very happy and threw the watermelon to chase the rabbit.

The little rabbit ran into the forest and disappeared. The young monkey was left with nothing and had to return home.

Just like the elementary school story, a child understands the principle: many adults who have entered marriage do not understand this principle. They are blinded by their desires and chase after the monkey's greed – they throw away corn to get peaches, then throw away peaches to get watermelons, and finally chase rabbits to get watermelons. In the end, they are empty-handed and lose their family.

06

We often say that pitiable people must have something to be hated for. Some people appear to be pitiful, like my male friend, and in the end, his family broke up, his parents were sick and pitiful,

His pity is indeed hateful, and it's due to his selfishness and greed that he ended up in this state.

So, the male reader said he was hesitant and confused, and his pain was self-made, trapping himself and leading to ruin.

What is the primary focus of a married man? It's his family and marriage.

A person who understands that he is content with his life, grateful for what he has, and can better get along with his life will also be able to find more beauty in his life, and he will know how to find happiness in his existing life.

There's a story in elementary school:

One day, a young monkey came down from the tree. It went to a cornfield and saw a lot of corn, so it picked a stalk and carried it away.

The young monkey carried the corn to a peach tree. It saw a tree full of big, red peaches, so it threw the corn away to pick peaches.

The young monkey carried several peaches, and he walked to a melon field. He saw a lot of big, round melons, so it threw the peaches away to pick melons.

The young monkey carried a big watermelon and walked back. As he walked, he saw a cute little rabbit, so he was very happy and threw the watermelon to chase the rabbit.

The little rabbit ran into the forest and disappeared. The young monkey was left with nothing and had to return home.

Just like the elementary school story, a child understands the principle: many adults who have entered marriage do not understand this principle. They are blinded by their desires and chase after the monkey's greed – they throw away corn to get peaches, then throw away peaches to get watermelons, and finally chase rabbits to get watermelons. In the end, they are empty-handed and lose their family.