Words of Counsel to Yourself: Being Single Is Not a Crime
Being single is not a crime, why should you blame yourself and be unhappy?
01
Throughout these years of being single, I have received too many advice and suggestions from my family, friends, and social networks, which can be summarized into two categories.
One is to continue being single, similar statements include:
1) It's good to be single, it's so relaxing and carefree;
2) Getting married doesn't mean happiness, getting divorced and remarried is better than staying single forever;
3) Everyone is unreliable, so is a partner, you can only rely on yourself;
4) Being single is a trend, and it will become even more common in the future;
5) When you get old, it's nice to live a solitary life with single friends, you won't be lonely…
The other is that being single is bad, similar statements include:
1) Why are you still single? Don't pick so carefully, you should give up;
2) Don't stay at home, be more proactive, actively seek opportunities to meet people, if you always stay at home, you won't find a partner;
3) You're not that old, you need to hurry up, time won't wait for you, if you continue like this, you'll end up lonely;
4) One of my friends was like you now, he/she initially picked and chose several good conditions, but rejected many, didn't rush to look for it, now he/she is divorced or only has very bad conditions, and regrets it;
5) People should get married and have children, this is your responsibility to your parents, and also your responsibility to society.
02
Every time I hear these 'single' suggestions and advice, I always have a doubt: Why do so many people like to act as relationship consultants, like guiding single people on how to find a partner, how to date, and how to live?
Actually, from my personal perspective, I'm more willing to think and feel about being single myself, because this is my own business. The following are the advice I give myself, which I hope can inspire those who are in the same situation and, according to their own circumstances, also give themselves advice.
Advice one, don't blindly accept the advice and suggestions from people you don't know well.
These so-called advice and suggestions are often their subjective assessments and assumptions, they just thought of them suddenly and said them, they won't be responsible for these statements, so whether to listen or not is up to you.
'Take the good, discard the bad,' these advice and suggestions may mostly be 'bad' and incorrect, don't be misled by them. You are the best person who knows yourself, think about what you really want and then firmly hold your own position and ideas, don't be brainwashed.
Furthermore, if you are annoyed with the 'kindness' of others, it's okay not to be annoyed or frustrated, there's no need to blame yourself for thinking others are stupid, and it's okay not to be grateful. It's okay to say that you don't want to listen to what others have to say, and it's not a matter of owing others a debt because you didn't listen.
Moreover, from a different angle, have those who say these things considered your feelings? So, it's not necessary to feel guilty for listening to them.
Advice two, if you want to get out of being single in a hurry, you don't need to be ashamed.
If you have a strong desire to get out of being single and get married, it's not shameful, and it doesn't mean you are old-fashioned or have outdated ideas.
This is just a lifestyle choice, just like some people like to eat spicy food, some people like to eat light food; some people like to live alone, and some people like to have someone with them.
Some single friends are more cynical and extreme, they think that being single is great, and they will try to make you stay single too. Therefore, these friends will try to instill the idea of 'don't date, stay single' in you.
For example, a group of single female friends will reject and despise single female friends who want to date, which makes it difficult for you to want to date, and you don't dare to take proactive action. This is a kind of controlling friendship, which is unhealthy. Don't worry about what others think, if you want to love, just boldly pursue it.
Finally,
Be a confident person, even if there are all kinds of voices around you, you should always be firm with your heart, listen more to the voice in your heart, and live in the present, pursue your own happiness.
