When being with certain people always feels so comfortable, it's not necessarily because they are your soulmate, but rather this person's high EQ and their ability to adapt downwards.

July 25, 2025, 6:54 p.m. Essays

On Weibo, a liked-by-me post says, 'When you meet someone you enjoy spending time with, and you can converse effortlessly without any discomfort, it's not necessarily a soulmate, but rather this person's high EQ and their ability to adapt downwards.'

That's exactly right.This made me think of He Jianhong. He's a master of dealing with people, noticing subtle details, and never letting others feel awkward.

I remember when 'Invincible Detective' aired, everyone was complaining about Gigi Hadid's portrayal as the villain. He Jianhong calmly acknowledged her self-reproach and reassured her, 'You're doing a good job.'

She felt his gratitude.

Some people say cultivating interpersonal skills is artificial. I don't think so.

Because making others feel comfortable is a kind of warmth, it's a form of kindness.

Therefore, I've summarized 20 ways to improve your interpersonal skills. Perhaps one of them will be helpful to you.1. Pay attention to details, show concern for the smallest things

Details determine success, and details can also determine how others perceive you.

When you're interacting with others, notice their preferences and remember them. In subsequent interactions, catering to their needs in detail will greatly improve the harmony in your relationships.

Box Box told me that he once had a meal with a friend he'd only met twice. He specifically asked the waiter not to put scallions in his dish because he remembered they didn't eat scallions during their first meal. Box Box felt a warm feeling at the time.

A small attention can be more effective than spending a lot of effort trying to please someone, because catering to someone's interests is the most effective way.

2. Don't be stingy with compliments, and don't give up expressing anger

Just like maintaining a smile is a prerequisite for good relationships, praise is also important. A sincere, not exaggerated compliment can not only bring confidence to the recipient, but also leave a 'comfortable interaction' impression on you.

However, you also remember to maintain your right to anger, when you feel offended, express your objections rationally, reasonably, and seriously, don't be afraid of negative emotions.

3. Don't make inappropriate jokes

Many humorous remarks contain condescending meanings, but don't use people's sensitive topics, such as family, body shape, and appearance, as jokes, unless the other person finds it funny.

If the other person clearly indicates rejection, then you shouldn't say it.

4. Don't habitually negate others

When interacting with others, a way of speaking that makes me feel uncomfortable is that regardless of what you say, the other person will contradict you.

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For example, you say, 'This restaurant is pretty good,' and the other person says, 'I don't think so, the restaurant opposite is better.'Or you say, 'The weather is great today,' and they respond, 'Yes, it's very sunny.'

Perhaps when this happens, it's not out of malice, but it really hurts others. Different ideas are normal, but at least let them finish speaking.

5. If you want to offer help, don't use interrogative sentences

Communication is an important part of interpersonal relationships. Often, due to inappropriate tone, we unintentionally cause harm, and also put pressure on the other person.

For example, if you want to send someone home, you ask, 'It's late, do you want me to send you home?' or 'It's late, let me send you home.' The former is just a polite greeting that needs to be refused, while the latter expresses your intention clearly.

6. Have come and go, don't just accept others' good intentions

Simply put, don't always let others take advantage of you.

It doesn't matter whether it's a small or large return, you should at least have this attitude.

7. Don't talk about others' private matters to third parties

If someone trusts you and confides in you about their situation and thoughts, and you then use it as a topic of conversation…

Then not only the person who confided in you, but also the gossiping person, will have a common opinion of you: They are not worth trusting.

8. Even when dealing with close people, don't be indiscriminate

The easiest mistake to make is to be overly cautious when interacting with strangers, and careless when dealing with family and friends. This consumes emotions unnecessarily.

Many people ignore this day, so they find that they have handled the relationship well with outsiders, but they haven't handled the relationship with those around them.

9. Learn to refuse

If you don't want to be forced to agree, don't agree and then refuse, this will damage your image.10. Maintain stable emotions and patience

The most common problem we make in social interactions is that when we are close to our loved ones, we are prone to emotional outbursts. Because in the people who can relax us, those hidden emotions will erupt.

But we should most protect and pay attention to those close to us – parents, partners, close friends.

So when you're about to explode in anger, remember to ask yourself these three questions…

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11. Mutual trouble is friendship, but trouble and human relations debt are two different things

Helping each other build intimacy, while human relations debt is used, it's a consumption of relationships.12. Don't expect everyone to like you

It's impossible to consider every detail. Sometimes it backfires, exhausting yourself.

In fact, as long as you are cared about by someone, you have enough.

13. Graciously accept others' praise

Sometimes sincere praise from others may feel embarrassed, some people may not respond or show a strong rejection attitude.In fact, it's really not difficult to say thank you.

14. Understand your own preferences, set a personal image, and stick to it

Without a personality, there are only two types of people – pleasing and hiding too deep. The former always makes themselves suffer, and the latter is often distrusted.

Learn to interact with people, which is to make yourself feel comfortable while letting others feel comfortable.

15. When you don't have a definite answer, don't rashly judge

Whether judging people around you or judging things seen by strangers, is the same.

16. Accept your imperfections, and be open to yourself

Those imperfections that you don't let others know are actually your most authentic or cute parts.

Perhaps you're usually efficient and forceful at work, but at home you're unwilling to take off makeup and shower.

These don't have to be hidden from others, maybe it's this little imperfection that makes your relationship more harmonious.