Loneliness is a Common Aspect of Life; Learn to Accept It

Heavenly River and Snow Lotus

I remembered having read a sentence before, sayingWhen you were a child, you were really stupid, and actually hoped to grow up.

At that time, I always thought that when I grew up, I could realize all my childhood dreams. However, I didn't realize that when I grew up, my dreams had already been squeezed and crushed by the cruel realization, and it was impossible to pick it up again, let alone have a way to do it. Suddenly, I felt an empty space in my heart, but I couldn't say it, and I felt a sourness in my mouth.

If growing up is the most cultivated ability, it must be learning to hide one's inner self, hide one's disappointment.

I've been back to this city for almost three years, but I still haven't settled down. Actually, I don't even know what's churning in my heart. Originally, I thought that living abroad for a few years would get used to the so-called loneliness and disappointment, but I didn't expect it to come true like what Mr. Murakami said,No one will like being alone, they just fear disappointment.

I agreed to help W couple move their students' belongings this morning, but when I woke up, it was already late, and I rushed over in a hurry. When I arrived, the things were already almost moved. When I passed by, I muttered in my heart, 'They must be scolding me.' But if it hadn't been intentional, I might not have been so disappointed, because I knew it was intentional.

Because I live so close to W couple, I can go over whenever they call me to eat. I even joked with them that now I'm so shameless that I don't even need to be polite. I've gone to their place several times, and I always arrive just as the meal is ready, waiting for them to finish eating. They smiled at me and said, 'You're timing it just right?' and asked me to cook for them, waiting for us to be starving.

I smiled and replied, 'You guys can make it when you're hungry.'

When eating becomes a part of your daily life, the people you eat with will also become a part of your life. When you suddenly stop doing that, you'll feel like something is missing.

When I left W couple, I felt inexplicably lost on the way back. I wondered when I had become so sentimental. It was just moving their house, and they lived so far away, but it wasn't a place I'd come back to, and it wasn't like it would be in the future. Was it necessary for me to do this?

Yes, I kept asking myself this question, and I was wondering why I was so disappointed.

At this time, H classmate sent me a message with a picture of the book she was reading. I told her my thoughts at that moment, and she asked me why I felt empty.

I told her that when I lived here before, every night after coming home, I would think that all the people living nearby were my classmates, friends, and relatives. I felt that this place was really good. But now, everyone has moved away for various reasons, and I feel like I'm the only one left. There were so many places I could go to anytime, but they were all gone.

And then I remembered what Mr. Murakami said,Life is nothing more than a continuous loss. Valuable things will one by one, like a comb that loses its teeth, slip through your hands. The things that fall into your hands are all trivial and inferior goods. Physical strength, hope, beauty, dreams, beliefs, meaning, or loved ones—one after another, they gradually disappear from your sight.

H classmate immediately understood my meaning, she said she knew you were referring to this idea. Do you know what I mean? I didn't want to know, but I had to experience it myself, and then I couldn't help but say it.

But on the cover of the book, there was a sentence,

You can go it alone, but don't close your heart. Everyone needs to be in tune with the world, because when you learn to be in tune with the world, even if you are alone, you can withstand the hardships of life.

Loneliness itself is not a problem, sometimes we need loneliness, but the fact is that we always dislike others seeing us alone, so we learn to hide it.But if there are not enough trustworthy people, where can you speak your innermost thoughts?

Sometimes you feel that you are free by yourself, but sometimes you feel that the freedom comes at the price of loneliness.Just like in 'Blue Sea and Blue Sky',

Everyone's heart may have a lonely and free sea. We often dive into it late at night, sometimes we miss the lights on the land, and most people spend their whole lives shuttling between these two things.Before the New Year, I bought a lot of books online, including Adler's 'Out of Loneliness'. I didn't open it until I came back, because as you grow older, you both love and hate such words. You want to know what they mean, but you're afraid to see what's hidden deep in your heart. So, I let myself do this until I experienced it myself, and then I couldn't help but say it.

But on the cover of the book, there was a sentence,You can be alone, but don't close your heart. Everyone needs to be in tune with the world, because when you learn to be in tune with the world, even if you are alone, you can withstand the hardships of life.

H classmate immediately understood my meaning, she said she knew you were referring to this idea. Do you know what I mean? I didn't want to know, but I had to experience it myself, and then I couldn't help but say it.